I hope you’re happy. You come in here, snatch a member of our dear family, disrupt our whole system, and then you give us secondhand materials for all our troubles. You’re really too kind.
And now the walls will come crashing down. Andrew McCutchen, David Freese and Josh Harrison will be the next ones to walk out the door and we won’t have a face of the franchise much less a team after that. Sure, we may acquire a promising prospect or two along the way, but it takes more than that, and if they are really good the Pirates will probably just trade them anyway.
It’ll be years before they ever put together a winning team again, but it’s not as though they would ever do that on purpose. The fans will get fed up and spend their hard-earned money elsewhere. The ball club will fall into ruins and the fine citizens of the Steel City won’t have anywhere to go to spend $9 on a beer on summer nights. The children of Pittsburgh will be deprived of properly learning the words to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and will have to settle for running the bases on their own community sandlot.
Jersey and batting helmet nacho sales will go down, the remaining players will insist on getting away from the crumbling organization, the MLB will disband the entirety of the Pittsburgh Pirates conglomerate and the only things we’ll have left to hold on to are our memories of better times and our Clint Hurdle bobbleheads.
Some of us will be forced to pick new teams to root for, which means anytime we want to go to a game we can count on spending more time in the car, driving than at the stadium, cheering. Another scenario where, yet again, I have to ask myself, “What about the children?” No parent will willingly agree to road trips with their kids like that. Seriously Houston, whose best interests do you have at heart here?
PNC Park will follow its predecessors and be demolished in a timely manner, making room for more shops and restaurants or maybe even parking if we’re lucky. Its existence will only remain in stories and pictures which will never compare to experiencing it firsthand as it was meant to be. The city will never see another home run ball hit into the Allegheny or another double that rolls into the corner in left, becoming a triple or, worse yet, there will never be another pierogi race.
Yes, Pittsburgh still has the Steelers and the Penguins and Heinz ketchup, but there will always be a sad, depressing void and it’s all your fault Houston.
What’s left of the Pirates fanbase